Golden Rams
by VampireNextDoor
Summary: (Chappie 4 just out of the oven!) There is one thing every Greek hero has longed to attain--the fleece of a GOLDEN RAM! But what did those poor rams go through? The summary's terrible, but I promise it's funny! Rating is just a precaution. PLEASE
1. The Beginning of the End

Disclaimer: Of course I don't own the myths. What do I look like, a god?

Announcer: I am a notoriously slow writer, so don't flame if I take my sweet time updating.

There is a reason for the hatred of Golden Rams to humans. The reason?

They are foremost rams. Not gold.

Lots of people agreed with the King. Rams were meant to have wool, not precious metals. So we were told to run to the hills.

There was a dragon by the name of Ed who was to protect us. Hopefully. He was a big dragon. Really, really, squash-you-with-a-toenail big. His smoke-puffing mouth was bigger then the entire herd.

I nervously asked, "Are you Ed?"

The question was a time-waster. I knew, the herd knew, and, of course, Ed knew.

He let a stream of smoke trickle out of his mouth, which I took to be a 'yes.'

"Um..." I hadn't thought of what to say next. My time-waster had been wasted.

To my great relief, Ed cut in. "C'mon in, Goldies!" His voice was low and gravelly.

One by one, looking as relieved as I felt, my herd went into Ed's cave. I shouted a roll-call.

"Walter!"

"Here."

"Polly!"

"Here."

"Tara!"

"Eric!"

"Devon!"

"Lorraine!"

"Susan!"

"Ferris!"

"Carl!"

"Jonathan!"

Hannah, Morgan, Betty, Victoria, Kyle, Ollie, one by one, each checked in.

Except Eva.

"Eva? Eva? Where's —"

There was a ram that looked remarkably like Eva. The ram was quite pretty. But it was a normal ram.

Okay, please R&R! More coming ASAP!


	2. Arguing With Ferris

Disclaimer: Do I have to put a disclaimer every time? That's just ridiculous!

Announcer: This one was surprisingly fast. Don't get used to it. BTW, they get MUCH stranger.

"Oh my god," gasped Kyle. "Is that her?"

"Sure looks like her," Tara said.

"Baa-a-a-a-a!" said Eva.

"What?" asked Victoria. "Is she trying to tell us something? Baa-a-a-a-a? Baa-a-ad? Is that what she's trying to say?"

But I just stared and said, "She isn't trying to say _anything_."

"No," agreed Ferris. "She's...normal. She _can't_ talk."

Polly trembled. "Normal? But...but...we're not all going to become normal, are we?"

"No," I said hurriedly. "Of course not."

"You sure?" asked Tara.

"Positive," I assured them.

"Besides," interjected Ferris, "if we _are_ going to turn into normal rams, there isn't much Miss can do, is there?"

Polly began to cry and Walter offered her a handkerchief. "Why'd you have to go and say that, Ferris? What's your problem?" Walter asked angrily.

"Oh, get over yourself," said Ferris, picking up a cigarette. "If you were going to have a problem with me you could've had it a long time ago."

"Oh yeah?" Walter said angrily. "Well I might have a problem right now!"

"Boys, boys, enough!" I hollered. "If someone dies I will take full responsibility. But Eva didn't die. So just get over yourselves, and let's try to figure out how this happened."

I looked calm, but inside I was incredibly worried. What happened to Eva? And how could we stop it?


	3. Here Comes Hades!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. No, I mean it. Not a single word. I don't even think I own this plotline. You could probably steal it and I couldn't sue you. But please don't.

Announcer: Are you ready for dun dun dun Hades? The gloomy King is about to go with his wife to 'check up' on the rams.

Ferris and Walter continued their argument. Eventually the whole herd split into two sides, and the argument just droned on, with me acting as peacekeeper and referee.

"If you weren't so freaking arrogant, we wouldn't be having this fight!" shouted Walter. Polly grabbed his shirt and began to weep into it.

"What, I'm arrogant because I'm not such a little lamb?" hollered Ferris.

"Oh, c'mon, why not just ask Lorraine?" begged Susan. "She'd resolve this nice and easy!"

But Lorraine looked around, contemplating, and finally muttered, "I would help, truly, but these people only want to win their argument, not find the truth." She gestured in the general direction of Ferris and his posse.

Victoria and Ollie both whined, "Yeah, and, like, whatever, Tara, being such a tomboy and whatever! You're just wrong and that's, like, all!"

"He's telling the truth! No point in being blindly optimistic!" yelled Tara. "C'mon, Polly. Don't cry. Miss will figure it all out...right?" Tara looked at me hopefully. I smiled as kindly as I could, considering the fact that I wasn't particularly happy with either party.

"I'll do the best I can."

A dark shadow filled the field. "The best you can, eh?" whispered a low, hollow voice. "And what if that isn't good enough?"

"Hades!" Susan gasped. "Oh my!"

"Yes, it is me," Hades said.

I was so surprised, I only managed, "Why...why are you here?"

"To check up on you, of course. I wanted to see how many of you were still...golden, shall we say. And look here—it looks like all but one of you has kept your metal! Ha ha, I crack myself up." He looked around, and though he laughed, he was not smiling. He seemed incredibly upset that only Eva had become normal.

As he spoke, a slightly more welcome figure stepped out of the darkness. "Hon-bun, what're you doing to those poor little rams?" Persephone walked right up to Polly and began to pet her. "Aw, you're so _cute_!"

Hades scowled at his Queen. "Persephone, stop being ridiculous. These creatures are powerful. Should they unleash the extent of their power, who knows what they could do to mankind!"

"Oh, like Romans, right? Weren't they going to end the world? Now they can barely hold on to Rome. And the Greek woman, Pandora, too? You're just such a _pessimist_!" Persephone exclaimed, stomping off.

The rams took this as their cue to slowly edge away from the pair.

"Persephone! PERSEPHONE! Come back here! This is ridiculous! You always do this! Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is? You're such a child! Hera is so mature, so powerful, and look at you! You're like a spoiled baby! What did Demeter do to you?" Hades yelled.

Upon hearing this, Persephone stormed back. "PICKING ON MY _MOTHER_? HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?"

"ARE YOU _KIDDING_? SHE'S MY NEICE! I CAN PICK ON HER AS MUCH AS I WANT! SHE'S A _F B!"_

"YOUR _NEICE_? OH, THAT IS JUST _SO WRONG!_ I CAN'T _BELIEVE_ YOU JUST SAID THAT!"

"YOU ARE SO MUCH LESS MATURE THAN HERA!"

"Hera this, Hera that! TALK ABOUT INSECURE!"

"CAN I HELP IT IF ZEUS GOT THE GOOD WIFE?"

"I GUESS YOU CAN'T PICK AND CHOOSE WHEN YOU _STEAL THEM FROM THEIR GARDENING!"_

"I THOUGHT WE GOT OVER THAT!"

At that point, Persephone stormed off and Hades chased after her.

"That is one messed-up couple," I said under my breath.

Announcer: YAY! The first cameo! And RandoMaia, I will try to add in the person you recommended. If anyone else has an idea, I'd love to hear it. Ta-ta for now!


	4. The Psychics and the Mysterious Stranger...

Disclaimer: Oh, you know the drill.

Announcer: Please review! I'm only going to update again if I get two more reviews! And here's another cameo, this one with a tad more plotline attached.

With that episode over, and the couple safely in the Underworld, the clan spent days mulling their fate, as well as the meaning of some of Hades' earlier words. Ed fed them, kept them warm, and kept most visitors away. But there were enough problems in the cave without letting others in.

"What did he mean, 'Still golden?'" Morgan wondered aloud. "Are we all going to become normal eventually?"

"Yep. That's what it sounded like," Jonathan remarked.

Morgan and Jonathan were psychics. To everyone else, Morgan was deaf, and Jonathan mute. But they could telepathically communicate with each other, and henceforth acted like one being. Jonathan relayed the information to Morgan, who voiced their opinion. It was quite an experience to be with them for a while.

Morgan and Jonathan consulted with one another until they came to this conclusion: "We're all going to become normal in 10 days."

Ferris looked skeptical. Then again, Ferris is always skeptical. He said, "10 days? Where'd you get that from?"

Morgan said out loud, "Hey! I did not mess the math up! No! No! No! No! Did he really? Well now why does he think that!? JOHNATHAN...!"

It's quite disorienting to hear half of a conversation. Even more so when they appear to be talking into thin air. I said, "Jonathan? Could you stop fighting with Morgan?"

Morgan paused before saying, "Ok, Miss, we'll stop fighting if you wish."

Tara grinned. "Yes, Miss, whatever you want, Miss," she mocked. She thought Morgan and Jonathan were big brown-nosers just because they were nice, which I thought was completely unfair.

"Ah-ha! The Golden Ram — here be it!" a rather loud voice called out from the distance.

All of the rams crouched silently, making themselves as small as possible.

"No, you moron, that's a lump of gold," another voice said caustically. "But you wouldn't know that, would you? Oh God, I cannot _believe_ I share a title with you!" I let out my breath — for a second I thought we'd been found.

"Oh, look at this!" a high-pitched, but masculine, voice called out. "There's a bit of wool attached to it! And it's golden wool!"

We gasped. Was this the end? Had we been found out?

Announcer: Guess you'll just have to wait and see! In case you haven't figured it out, there will be THREE ROMANCES, of different lengths and at difference levels. But as of right now we're getting you grounded with the gods and their role in the normalness of the rams. Please tell me what you think of it. And you can do that by REVIEWING! REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW! And please, I beg of you — keep reading! This may have been a filler-y chapter, but there's good stuff coming up (well, I hope it's good!). Stay tuned!


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